It’s spring after one of the longest winters I’ve ever experienced. Once again I’m sitting in a cafe to steal the wifi, my favorite barista is working, her name is Chevonne. She should get paid more for her awesome personality, the coffee is merely a bonus. I’m trying to write, but I know too many people. I’ve already struck up conversations with 3 people in a half an hour. The blog I wanted to write was so fresh in my memory before I was so pleasantly distracted. I can’t say I mind, a couple months ago nobody would talk toeach other. Vitamin D does wonders for the social scene. Its not quiet in here, and I like that the woman next to me is in her 60’s and has a pink streak in her hair! Yeah!

 Every song on the radio is angry chick power music. I think the DJ on the radio is PMSing or something. I sing along in my head.  I still deal with some unpleasant memories from my dating experiences this winter, and Alanis’ “You oughta know” seems to strike a chord in my damaged subconscious. This winter, I went through things that that did change me and my habits. Probably for the better. I need to be more careful about who I accept into my life. I want to believe in the best in people, but I was reminded too often in the past few months that people aren’t always motivated for the same reasons.  Ego, greed, comfort, etc influence a lot of bad decision making.  Who and what is irrelevant.  The experiences have driven me to ask myself these questions.

 What makes a bad person bad?

At what point does a good person have to do enough bad things to where they shift into being a bad person?

Is there good and bad?

Is that too simple of a way of looking at the world?

Do we as humans rationalize bad actions to the point where it’s OK to often?

Can an understanding of “why” it was done shift the lines of acceptance?

Does that matter?

There are all different answers to these questions of course.  I’m a firm believer that actions create a person. Basically I think you are what you “do”.  I realized that I’m not going to get along well with anyone who isn’t aware and responsible for their imprint.  I’m not asking for perfection here, just a little self awareness, compassion, communication and a healthy ego.  I find in the face of all of this, that maintaining a compassionate nature has been difficult.  A good friend says that forgiveness and apologies are more for the people doing the forgiving and apologizing, than the reciever.  He’s right.  The choice I am making to hold on to all of this is made from ego, hurt and negativity.  Time to let go, forgive and push forward.